everything essential to my being is lost. my spirit was left for dead and is rotting in the corner over there. i misplaced my sense of reality, my imagination’s passed out on the couch. my mind is trapped in a spiderweb somewhere in the sky. i used to have a backbone but now it has chew marka so ia use it as my walking stick. my memories are posters on my bedroom wall basking in the morning light. my love life stinks of one night stands and self-loathing, it’s sitting in the laundrey basket. i’m naked and afraid, but alone and invulnerable, looking out the window and hoping.
but why do i say “i know” to my pets when they make noises. im lying to them. i don’t know anything.
And kid, you’ve got to love yourself. You’ve got wake up at four in the morning, brew black coffee, and stare at the birds drowning in the darkness of the dawn. You’ve got to sit next to the man at the train station who’s reading your favorite book and start a conversation. You’ve got to come home after a bad day and burn your skin from a shower. Then you’ve got to wash all your sheets until they smell of lemon detergent you bought for four dollars at the local grocery store. You’ve got to stop taking everything so goddam personally. You are not the moon kissing the black sky. You’ve got to compliment someones crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of green swimming pools in mid July. You’ve got to stop letting yourself get upset about things that won’t matter in two years. Sleep in on Saturday mornings and wake yourself up early on Sunday. You’ve got to stop worrying about what you’re going to tell her when she finds out. You’ve got to stop over thinking why he stopped caring about you over six months ago. You’ve got to stop asking everyone for their opinions. Fuck it. Love yourself, kiddo. You’ve got to love yourself.
didn’t smoke a cig today, although did smoke 2 blunts and a spliff…… slow and steady